I spent this morning with the school psychologist having been trying to get my son 'in the system' since he was in Prep. She was lovely, very very thorough. I spent the better part of two hours with her talking about my concerns, about my boy's strengths and weaknesses, about the life he has lived so far.
She asked me about my pregnancy with him, and his birth. And the floodgates opened. I brought her to tears talking about the horrors of the month or so after his birth. Of losing my father-in-law suddenly within minutes of his birth. Of travelling to South Australia with a tiny newborn just weeks later when my Grandpa died. Of spending nights in hospital with my non-responsive baby with suspected (but later proven not to be) meningitis. Of watching him have a lumbar puncture and being horrified myself, but he was too sick to even cry in protest.Even now looking back it's like a b-grade movie. Something that happened to someone else. But the long term implications are undeniable in terms of the mental health of our family and I need to know my boy will be supported and respected despite his challenges as he grows up.
I also need him to know NOW that seeking help when your 'brain is sick' is not just okay, it's as important as seeing a GP when your body is sick. I can't make anyone else seek the help they need, but I can lead by example. It's time to seek better support for me to. To stop being the packhorse of everyone's emotion and start sharing the load.
Anyway my big boy will have a cognitive assessment next week, and a few weeks after we'll look at the assessment and figure out our best way forward with him to help his anxiety and stress issues.
It's hard when there is *something* wrong but no easy diagnosis or way to address it. I just hope we can give him strategies to employ when it all gets too much for him, and try to help him build a healthy self esteem.
Parenting. Never boring.
Ohai! I'm Kate. I say stuff.
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I've only got love. Sending it your way, right now.
ReplyDeleteWe are going through much the same thing with our big boy .. he was 13 last week, and I still struggle with getting support for him. Everyone just wants to dismiss it, but I know that there is something not quite right.
ReplyDeleteWe had an assessment done when he was in year 4 through the school, we had a fantastic GP in Adelaide who after trying a number of things, journals etc .. then put him on anti-depressants.. but now I can't get a Dr to really listen .. but we keep trying. Just keep going and forcing the issue, we know our children , and know when something is wrong!
Oh Kate, big hugs to you!! Good for you deciding to look after yourself xo
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You are doing a great job it seems. Knowing there is love and consistency in his life will really help in the long run.
ReplyDeletehugs to you
jill
Lots of love....
ReplyDeleteI know just how much stigma is attached to 'seeing a psychologist'... I still have family and friends comment years after we decided to see the psych for our girls. Even people who I thought were sane and rational equate seeing a psych with things like 'they'll make stuff up to make you feel bad' or 'OMG you don't tell people that you took them do you' or 'the dr will just blame you as their mother'....
It's crazy sad stuff that people can't see getting help for what it is... getting help!
Good on you for being strong for your boy, for your family and for yourself.
((hugs)) A mother knows when something is not quite right. I'm sorry you and J had such a rough start. No fair.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard, and you have all my empathy! I'm glad to read you're also seeking support for yourself because God know's that packhorse analogy far too close to the mark, hey? I felt a great sense of relief from finding out what my son's "problem" was and how best to help him, and it has helped him. It will never give you back those years or the child who might have been, but I've found it's boosted my confidence so much to be empowered with the knowledge what, why, and how... Love and strength to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sad to hear you had such an awful start to your boy's life. Good on you for seeking help and being such a good mum. Much love and hugs to you. xxx
ReplyDeleteBravo to you for seeking help, particularly for seeking help for yourself.
ReplyDeleteIgnore the dickheads who make pathetic comments about psychologists and psychiatrists being for weak people... it's their own baggage they bring to the conversation. Do what is right for you.
My completely unsolicited advice would be: If you don't 'gel' with your psych, don't be discouraged, find a new one. They're adults, you won't offend them by moving on.
xxx
Thinking of you Kate, I hope you can find the help he needs. Hugs to you all. xxx
ReplyDelete((hugs)). I too, am sorry about the rough start to motherhood you had. I think it is great that you are seeking support early, both for your boy and or yourself. You need to look after yourself as a woman and a mother so you can look after your family effectively.
ReplyDeleteOf course I don't know any of the details, but wanted o say that I have kid who has some issues re anxiety and stress, and would love to chat about it with you sometime. ((hugs))
I personally think there is nothing more important you can teach him than to reach out for help whenever he needs it - nobody ever had a sincerely joyful life being completely stoic. If he learns it now, he'll take it into adulthood - he'll be a dad who teaches his kids that it's perfectly normal and ok to need some help with things.
ReplyDeleteFor many people, this ends up being the difference between life and not "living" - or even life and death. Someone who feels completely ok asking for help is obviously more likely to get it when they need it! And prevent all kinds of bigger problems. Don't underestimate the value of what you are demonstrating.
I wanted a chance to talk to you for realz today but didn't happen! I wanted to say that he needs to know everyone manages their mental health, some people have a larger parameters to work within right, but everyone has to do it or they will suffer for it. And sometimes those larger parameters are a blessing right, for people predisposed to taking risks, seeking adventures, feeling deeply and so on?
ReplyDeleteGood on you for leading the way for you all :) xxoo
Big hugs. Annie had a lumbar puncture for suspected meningitis when she was 9 months old. I couldn't even stay in the room with her. My friend S did, I had lost the plot by then, no sleep for several days will do that to an already anxious mum.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about leading by example. I've taken the girls along with me to a couple of my counseling sessions. They've been able to see me talking (in a very general way) about how I have troubles I can not resolve and asking for help to find solutions.