The thing about the Internet is that what you see isn't always what you get. What I share here or on Twitter or Facebook isn't all of me. Maybe isn't even half of me. Which doesn't make it untrue, maybe it just makes me cautious. But does it make me inauthentic?
I decided early on not to use my children's names here, nor that of my husband. I'll happily share photos but their names are for people who know us in our 'real' lives.
There are aspects of my life that I won't ever share here because they are not entirely mine to share. Also because I believe in the power of the positive and if I fill this space with the negative aspects of our lives I give those feelings more power over me. Of course I rant now and again, I get angry and shoot off at the mouth. But generally I am fairly considered about how I project myself here. Think of it as putting on my makeup. I do that when I go out, I put my best face forward. That's what I do here as well.
I started this blog nearly a year ago with the specific intention of using it as a marketing tool, I've not made any pretense about that. I love so many aspects of marketing and PR. I love the opportunities and products I've been able to try because of this blog.
My life has changed so dramatically since that first post... Our visions of the next few years have been thrown aside as we take on the challenges of helping our little mate deal with the world as best we can. My focus has shifted a lot by necessity, which makes me appreciate the PR opportunities that present themselves and suit our family all the more. When a lot of your time is taken up with phone calls and appointments and meltdowns the odd parcel in the mail is a lovely thing indeed, and events that truly engage my children make a wonderful change from our day to day life.
I've noticed that my posts that talk about negative or angry aspects of my life invariably get the most views. I know other people have commented on the same thing happening on their blogs too. I'm sure it is because in the main people want to show their support to others in times of need. I hope so anyway.
But here's the thing. In my naivete I hadn't thought about the fact that some bloggers will manufacture situations in order to create buzz. The amazing Eden shared this post over at Schmutzie last night via Twitter and it blew my little mind. I may be many things, but dishonest I am not. I may keep parts of my life private but I will not create drama for the sake of pageviews. Honestly I'd prefer to walk away from blogging altogether than be such a slave to statistics.
I have a lot of ideas about what I want to do here this year. I want to explore and share the ins and outs of the system and how it cares for (and fails) families living with autism. I want to create a resource for families coping with a new diagnosis because goodness only knows if it weren't for other bloggers and tweeps I'd still be walking around in circles scratching my head and wondering what the hell I am meant to do next.
I want to share more recipes. I want to connect with more systems junkies. I want to see Thankful Thursday keep growing because some weeks making myself find some gratitude is truly my saving grace.
But above all I want to be myself. I spent a lot of time last year stressing about some arbitrary schedule I had set in my head that required me to post nearly every day. That isn't going to happen this year.
I may well post daily for periods of time, but I may not. I'm not going to push myself to write for the sake of writing, so if that means some weeks all you see here is a Thankful Thursday then so be it. I need to be accountable to my family and to myself. I am going to blog as I am driven to, not to meet any agenda.
I am who I am. Take it or leave it.
Posts
