The mother and the woman

Somewhere in that haze after the birth of my first child, something was lost. I'm sure it happens to many women... The early days with a newborn are so all consuming, but as the baby got older and more independent I began to wonder where the balance was between mother and self.

Obviously with four children that newborn stage has played out over and over for me. And I LOVE having a new baby in the house. I am excellent at parenting newborns and I feel confident in my ability to do so. The problem lies in that space of time where they get older and I occasionally catch myself wondering where I went.

I am a stay at home Mum. My husband is a linehaul truckie and is away more than half the week, so the bulk of the household chores fall to me by necessity. They can feel endless sometimes, because they are.

Some days the need to be all things to so many people whilst running a busy household is incredibly overwhelming. Sometimes I'll get my hair cut or something 'nice' for myself during the days my little two are at daycare, but it is a shallow attempt to address a deeper issue.

I know I am a different person to the one that existed before I had my children. It is impossible to be otherwise and that is a good thing. But sometimes I'd like to recapture a little of the spirit I once had. I know it is still in there, I'm just not sure how to find it.