The fear and the fine line.

Today my son is having dental surgery.

None of my kids have been under a general anaesthetic before, and I'm feeling really stressed about it.

I know there are families who face this often. Far too often. I know I'm so lucky that this is the first time for us. But that doesn't make me feel any happier about it.

My Little Mate will be losing at least two, probably three of his top front teeth along with having many others filled or removed. More than half his teeth are rotten. And it sucks because he is the kid who is so routine driven that his teeth are brushed all of the time. It sucks because he is the kid with sensory issues. It sucks because he is the kid who is different already.

But it isn't just the loss of his little teeth that upsets me. It is the fact that I will be holding him as they put him under. Despite having had ear operations as a child myself and knowing well how safe anaesthesia is in general, it isn't something anyone wants their child to experience.

I have a ridiculous amount of fear around it. What if he reacts to the anaesthetic and it causes something terrible to happen? What if he wakes up too early? What if I can't get to him quickly enough when he does come to?

None of these things are under my control, of course. None of them are likely to happen. But my rationality seems to be suspended right now. There is something about the unreality of anaeasthesia... Not asleep, not awake, not conscious... It would not concern me in the least if it were happening to me, but it squeezes my chest hard when it comes to my child.

It is going to be a challenging day. Wish us luck.