At one stage I had a daily gratitude blog. I challenged myself to keep it for a full year, and I did exactly that.
Over the past 18 months or so I feel like I've lost a part of myself. My ability to find joy in things has diminished somewhat. When I started this blog I envisioned that, if anything, it would be annoyingly over the top in its sunshine and lollipops because that is how I viewed myself as well.
That was before. This is now. No matter what spin I put on it, life is not quite what I expected. The time since my Little Mate's diagnosis has changed me deep within, and whilst I do not see my beautiful boy any differently, I certainly do myself.
I randomly remembered that blog the other day, so I went and found it. The harder days are obvious because those were the days I was grateful for teeny tiny things. But I was grateful nonetheless. I remember it made me so conscious of what was going on in each day that I could put in that journal. It made me look for goodness, even when it was hard to find.
I miss the person I was then. I miss that ability to find the silver lining so easily.
And so I am going to reclaim it.
For 2013 I am committing to sharing 5 things that I am grateful for every single day. It will probably take me a few weeks to get back in the habit, but like exercising, it is a habit worth pursuing I think.
They will be popping up on this blog. Maybe you will skip them because it isn't your thing and that is cool. Maybe they will strike a chord with you. Maybe they will tell you more about me, about my life, than my regular posts ever could.
I don't know. But I want to find out.
They won't replace my other posts, but be little vignettes dotted in between. Little pieces of me, as I learn to embrace all of my life again, even the hard parts. And remember the beauty within them.