Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Inner Dialogue

Shoes on. Gulp some water. Load up RunKeeper.

Wish that heart rate monitor didn't give me dermatitis. Best leave it. Bugger.

If I sneak out the side maybe Holly won't notice and follow me. Yes! Success! I am so stealthy.

Geez I really can't be bothered today. Maybe... Ah just bloody do it!

The first 500 is the hardest, the first 500... Why am I doing this again?

Ahhh there you go. Found the rhythm. Come on legs just keep moving.

Did I remember sunscreen? Dammit! Stay in the shady bits. Best make an appointment to get those moles checked too, little concerned.

Love this song. Hallelujah, it's raining men... Ah back in the day.

Oh crap is that a car? Pick up the pace, don't wanna look like a complete tosser.

Wonder how I do look. Feels awesome, but suspect look like a tosser anyway. Such an unco, can't believe I can do this! What a winner. I am the best most awesome super runner evah!

In the zone, flicking to autopilot. Fade out.

Ewww was that a fly? OMG it went up my nose! Yuck yuck snot it out that is so gross! Did it come out? Did I swallow it? Oh so yuck I feel sick. Why are flies even a thing? They're so bloody annoying. Yuck my nose still feels itchy. Bugs are gross.

Oh a wallaby! How cute! Hey don't hop this way, you stay over there! Don't come think you can boxing kangaroo me dude, I am a RUNNER. Has it gone? Phew.

Is that a snake? Do not want! Oh goodo not a snake. Pay better attention woman they'll be out all over the place today.

I hope that little boy... Stop. Can't change it. Doing the right thing. It will be okay.

Half way, killing it! I am the greatest runner that ever lived!

Fade out.

Oh hey Kate of 2 kilometers ago, that extra kilometre you did just cos you could? You've gotta do another extra one now because of it you idiot. Thanks so much for that.

Fade out.

Why does my foot hurt? Bugger it that blister is back. Must remember to find out about good running socks . Must.

Are running jocks a thing? I bet they're a thing. Really should look into that too. Running wedgies suck. Wonder if people run commando. Reckon there'd be chafing.

Wonder if the boy will sleep alright tonight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Good one!

Fade out.

Smells like barbecue. Mmmmm barbecue. Should totally have a salad for dinner. Running makes me want to eat salad. Oh I have ice cream! Salad then ice cream. Wonder if there's any chocolate left?

Fade out.

Another car? Two today, busy day out here! Lift those feet. Oh that garage door is open too, better keep moving in case anyone is looking. Wouldn't want them to think I'm half arseing it.

Corner in sight. If you pick it up this last kilometre I'll let you walk up the hill home. Go on! Faster! Nearly there you can do it! YEAH! Sweating bullets. Come on legs not much further.

Ha. I lied.

It's only another 300 metres. You can run up a hill. You can! Just try it. Stop being a whinger. I know it hurts but you're nearly done sooky la la.

YES! I am the best! Where is my medal? This shit is amazing! Why wasn't I doing this ten years ago?