Thursday, February 6, 2014

The dance.

So my Little Mate had a great first day of school. He found it hard when other kids asked to play with him, but he was mostly happy and settled. Awesome.

Day two was also good, up until the point not long before home time that he started complaining of a sore tummy. Just before the bell rang he threw up. Luckily I was in the yard waiting and could come straight in to help him.

He has Wednesdays off for the first few weeks, so we planned a quiet day to recover.

Recover he did, although he is still not eating enough and looks drawn. His sister had the same thing over the weekend and his big sister now has it as well, obviously it is just a bug going around.

The difference is that my boy, being my boy, has now decided that school makes him sick.

He knows the girls have been unwell but that is irrelevant to him.

He has been tired of course; that was to be expected. But this illness could not have come at a worse time in terms of how he is associating events in his mind.

It was always going to be tricky.

The high of the first day wasn't going to last, any more than it did with my other children. I remember distinctly my big boy telling me 3 weeks in that he had been to school now, and was ready to be finished with it.

But it is different this time; a phrase I suspect I will be using a lot this year.

And as his Mum I can make him go and I can leave him there either happy or sad. I know he needs to go so that he understands that it isn't an optional thing. I know from the early, agonising days of leaving him at child care that he will be fine not long after I leave and that in time he will (hopefully) be happy to be dropped off in the morning.

But it is HARD to walk away from him when he is crying. It feels so wrong. It goes against every urge I have as a mother.

I console myself with the thought that there are so many people looking out for him. It nearly makes up for the fact that I am not there being one of them. Nearly.

And the dance continues. Two steps forward, one step back, one to the side and another one forward. We all just keep moving to the beat, a little out of time but doing our best. Because that is all we have.